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Emotional Reactions
Emotional recovery after pregnancy loss often takes longer than physical recovery. Some women experience little or no emotional upheaval, while others may experience intense feelings. It may take you a short time, or many months, to work through your feelings of grief.
yourself
You may experience many feelings. These can include numbness, shock, confusion, exhaustion, disbelief, anger, fear, isolation, lonely, pining, yearning, responsibility, guilt, sadness, and depression. The intensity of these feelings can range from mild to overwhelming. There is often no order or sequence to grief. Different feelings surface at different times during your grieving.
Early pregnancy loss is unique. There is often no "baby" to touch and see. You may feel terribly sad that you have nothing to show that you were pregnant. It is difficult to say good-bye before you had a chance to say hello. You may wish to acknowledge your loss by having a memorial service or a private gathering with family and close friends. The Prince George Regional Hospital Chaplain can assist you with this. Writing a poem, lighting a candle, or planting a tree in a garden may be helpful ways of beginning emotional and spiritual healing.
All losses are not the same. Neither are all grief reactions. The resources listed under contacts & resources can provide you with support and information. These resources are especially helpful in dealing with:
- unique losses such as the death of a twin or multiples
- fertility problems
- the special needs of single women
- other losses occurring in your life at the same time.
your partner
Your partner also suffers the loss of this pregnancy and can experience many emotions and feelings. This can be a very difficult time for partners since it appears there is little they can do to help you.
A partner may feel left out since the focus of attention is with the woman who has been hospitalized and has experienced a physical loss. However, your partner is also experiencing loss and grief. Traditionally, a man is expected to remain outwardly strong to support his partner. This can hide feelings of loss and sadness as he tries to support his grieving partner. It is important that partners not blame themselves or each other for the loss.
A couple experiencing grief over a pregnancy loss often discovers that each persons grief responses can be different. No two people grieve the same way or at the same time. This is normal. However, it can place a strain on your relationship if this is not recognized. Talking about differences with each other can be helpful.
Partners may also play an important role in telling the other family members (including children) what has happened and what will happen in the immediate future. It is important to discuss with your partner how you will handle questions from children, family, and friends.
children
Children require both patience and love to help them understand your pregnancy loss. How much your child can understand depends on your childs stage of development. There are age-appropriate booklets written especially for children.
family & friends
Family and friends want to do the right thing but often are unsure how to help or what to say. Let them know how you feel and what you need at this time.
Support from family and friends may not be enough. If you feel you need someone to talk to, there are skilled people in your community. Discuss a referral with your doctor or community health nurse. We will do our best to support you while you are in the hospital. A hospital social worker or chaplain is also available to help you.
